When I woke up this week, I discovered a horrendous, ugly truth: my brain decided to go on vacation (or quit altogether, I’m not quite sure which at this point in time.) There was no asking permission, no two weeks notice. I have been wholly abandoned, and in the worst part of the semester of all times. Perhaps my brain knew I would deny permission, seeing as it does tend to be in control of the thinking around here, and therefore decided that it would be best to ask for forgiveness later than permission in advance.
So, Brain, if you’re sitting on the beach somewhere sipping on a pina colada and having a grand ol’ time, I hope you take the time to check our blog because I have a little note for you:
Well, Mr. Brain, have I got news for you. Unless you return within the next 24 hours, there will be no forgiveness occurring inside this head. I’ve just about had it with you. My tear ducts are on strike after being left to physics assignments alone. My hair doesn’t appreciate the excessive yanking it has to endure as I struggle through studying for finals without your assistance. My jaw has been clinched so tightly it has nearly forgotten how to relax. The list goes on…
I have tried contacting you in every way I can think of and nothing seems to work. My texts are sitting unanswered, I got an automated response to the email I sent you that said you were “out of the office,” when I message you on Facebook you immediately sign off of chat, and when I call it just rolls over to voicemail. I’m not sure if you are specifically screening your calls or just not answering, but I have had it. I know that the phone is charged and that you know full well where it’s at because, well, you’re the brain, and you just don’t forget such things.
I know you’ve had sort of a rough time the last couple weeks, but let’s be honest, so has the rest of me, and it’s all still here. You only have to work for another two weeks, and then you can take a little break, I promise. We miss you, and in your absence we all have a renewed appreciation for your work.
Hope to hear from you soon,
Heidi C. Wallace
P.S. – By soon I mean really soon… as in… now.
Happy Dead Week to me, Happy Dead Week to me, my brain’s on vacation, Happy Dead Week to me.