We’ve all heard of Dead Week. In some senses, it is quite aptly named. I do believe I am not alone in feeling dead during that week. On the other hand, it seems to be one of the busier times of the semester. Most professors seem oblivious to the fact that dead week should be, well, much much less active. My differential equations professor, though, is probably the most enlightened human being with the title of doctor. He, in all of his wisdom, said, and I quote, “And then comes Dead Week which, well, isn’t all that dead sometimes.” He instantly became my hero. That got me to thinking…
If we have Dead Week, what comes before that? Is it really so special as to be the only week besides Finals Week with its own name?
Don’t fret. This week, I have come up with titles for the other weeks. Here, my friends, is my progression of a semester:
week 0: Motivation Week — the week before classes actually start, and, running off of your I’ve-been-on-break high, you amp yourself up in preparation for the upcoming semester
week 1: Nerves Week — the first week of the semester in which you sit in class anxiously awaiting the weeks to come, apprehensive about new professors, new subjects, and new syllabi out the wazoo.
week 2: Trial Week — the second week of school, which is the week in which the normal routine begins to form, and you judge your ability to survive.
weeks 3-15: Deja Vu Weeks — those weeks in the middle of the semester where we say, “Wait, didn’t I do this last week?”
Weekend before week 15: Prognosis Weekend — The weekend when you realize how much you have left to do and how little time there is left. You try to calculate what you must make on every assignment/test the rest of the semester in order to achieve your ideal GPA. You are probably not going to survive.
week 15: Dying Week — You’re not actually dead … yet. The strain from the weight of your to-do list is slowing crushing your fragile body under it’s massiveness, and all you can do it cling on as along as possible.
week 16: Dead Week — Your brain function has effectively shut down, and you sit lifeless in your classes as the professors do autopsies on you and your classmates to see what the cause of death was so as to expedite the process on future classes, and while they are at it, they take a peek inside your brain to see what topics left the least trace in your mind. This tells them which topics to weight the most for the final exam the next week.
week 17: Finals Week — the last week in the semester in which you take the most important test of every class, and at the end, all is final. There is nothing more to be done. Your fate is sealed. All you can do now is await the outcome. But don’t hold your breath while you wait — you might die… again.
Rinse and Repeat every semester until graduation.