There are many great mysteries in life. The following are a few that I have noticed recently.
How is there no bird poop in grocery stores and Walmart?
There are always birds flying around up by the ceiling and perched on the pipes. I’ve never EVER seen bird poop on anything in a grocery store or Walmart. I’ve also never seen a poop patrolman wandering the aisles. What is wrong with those birds? Do they poop liquid nitrogen so it becomes a clear gas before it reaches the shelves?
Why are there never dead ducks on the road?
I’ve seen a multitude of animal species converted into roadkill, but as my friend Stasha pointed out, there are never dead ducks. Deer crossings? Good chance you’ll see a dead deer there at some point. Rodents of all varieties? Seen them. Birds of ranging size and color? Frequently flattened. But, there are duck crossing signs and no dead ducks. I’ve seen drivers almost kill each other trying to avoid the little duck families. What makes the ducks so special? And is there any way I can get in on that power over people?
Why do the squirrels on campus occasionally show greater judgement than the students?
One day I was walking to class and, as usual, students were moseying across the street with little regard for whether there were cars coming. I mean, we technically have the right of way. Then, I saw a squirrel come to the curb. It leaned forward and looked both ways several times. It darted to the double yellow lines, paused, checked the path again, and proceeded to the other side. I never thought I’d see the day we were outdone by our little tree-dwelling campus buddies when it came to safety precautions. What else are our fluffy-tailed friends capable of that we are yet to witness?